Jokes |
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Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil:
4
Teacher: Tha...
Teacher: Who can tell me where
Hadrians Wall
i...
Teacher: Why
does the statue of liberty
stand ...
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I
lost ...
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is
4+4?
Pupil...
When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it
...
Why did the teacher put the
lights
on?
Becaus...
Teacher: How much is half of 8?
Pupil: Up
and d...
Great news, teacher says we have a test today
co...
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I
was m...
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your...
Where did all the cuts and blood come
from?
The...
What's the worst thing you're likely to
find i...
What kind of food do maths teachers
eat?
Square...
The food in our school canteen is
perfect.
If y...
What's black and white all over and
difficult?
...
Why aren't you doing very well in
history?
Beca...
What was King Arthur's favourite
game?
Knights ...
Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?
Yes,
the...
Father:
How do you like going to
school?
Son:...
Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you
...
Where did the pilgrims land when they came to
...
Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of
...
Teacher: Is
Lapland heavily
populated?
Class:...
Teacher: That's quite a cough you have
there, ...
Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me.
Ar...
Teacher: What are
the Great
Plains?
Pupil: 74...
Son: I can't go to school today.
Father:
Why n...
Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith
then.
Pupil: ...
I
failed every subject except for
algebra.
Ho...
Teacher: Are you good at math?
Pupil: Yes
and n...
Teacher: Why is the Mississippi
such an
unusua...
Teacher: You're new
here aren't you,
what's yo...
Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and
w...
Father: I hear you skipped school
to play
foot...
A history joke
Teacher: When was Rome
built?
P...
Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I
didn...
Mother: What
was the first thing you
learned i...
Teacher: What's big
and yellow and comes
in th...
Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put
y...
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't
yo...
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your...
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your
...
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your
...
Bad timing for an excuse Teacher: Why
were
you...
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your...
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your...
Teacher:
Can anyone tell me how many
seconds t...
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your...
Mother: What did you learn in school
today
Son:...
Teacher: This is the third time I've had to
te...
Teacher: Didn't you hear me call
you?
Pupil: ...
Why was the headmaster
worried?
Because
there...
Why did the teacher
wear
sunglasses?
Because ...
Did you hear about the cross eyed
teacher?
He...
Teacher: What family does the octopus belong
t...
What's yellow, has wheels and lies on its
back...
Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at
Fr...
Teacher: You copies from
Fred's exam paper
did...
Teacher, I can't solve this problem.
Any
five y...
Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my
q...
Little Monster: I hate my teacher.
Mother
Monst...
Dad, can you
help me find the lowest common
de...
Teacher: What came after the stone age and the
...
Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I
gav...
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass
...
My teacher reminds me of
history
She's
alway...
Teacher: Did your parents help you
with
these ...
Father: What did the
teacher think of your
ide...
What do history teachers make when they want to
...
Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead
S...
Father: How were the
exam
questions?
Son: Eas...
What are you going to be when you get out of
sch...
What did you learn in school today?
Not
enough,...
Mother: How was your first
day at
school?
Son...
I'm not going back to school ever again
Why
eve...
Fred came home from his first day at school.
"No...
What happens if you draw on the blackboard and
t...
Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this
t...
Father: You were absent on the day of the
test?
...
"It's clear" said the teacher, "That you
haven...
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your...
Why do teachers
use a bamboo
cane?
Because wh...
Sandy began a
job as an elementary school counse...
A teacher was giving a lesson on the
circulation...
The children had all been photographed, and the
...
A college business
professor could not help
bu...
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his
Eng...
A
professor was giving a big test one day
to h...
One day our
professor was discussing a
particu...
A student called up his Mom one evening from
h...
Introductory
Chemistry was taught at Duke
Univ...
A student comes to a young
professor's
office ...
Man: "How's
your history paper
coming?"
Wom...
A mom
and dad were worried about their son
not...
The parents were very disappointed in the
grad...
"Dad, can you write in the dark?"
"I think
so. ...
A little girl came home from
school and
said t...
A teacher was having
trouble teaching
arithmet...
Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a
tree c...
The teacher came up with a good problem.
"Supp...
The teacher is droning away in the classroom
whe...
Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in
my ...
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they
...
"Isn't the principal a
dummy!" said a boy
to a...
Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph:
Beca...
A little kid's in
school, taking a
true-false ...
What do you get when
you add 2 apples to 3
app...
How
many schoolteachers does it take to
change...
How many students does it take to change a
light...
Johnny comes back from school crying and says,
...
A school teacher injured his back and had to
wea...
Did you hear what
happened when there was
an e...
Teacher: Why do you want to
work in a bank,
Al...
Teacher: Didn't you know the
bell had
gone?
...
What's the longest piece of furniture in the
s...
Teacher: What happened to your
homework?
Pup...
School
Principal: I've called you into my
offi...
'I'm not going to school today,' Alexander
said ...
Boy to Friend: I'm sorry, I won't be able to
go ...
'Ann!' the teacher shouted one day at the
girl...
Mother: Did you
enjoy the school outing,
dear ...
Why were you late ?
Sorry, teacher, I
overslept...
Teacher: That's quite a
cough you have
there, ...
Our teacher
talks to herself does yours
?
Yes...
Teacher: Why didn't you answer me ?
Pupil:
I di...
Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day
wi...
The brain is a wonder ful thing
Why do you
say ...
Be sure that you go
straight home after
school...
Playing truant from school
is like a credit
ca...
Laugh and the class laughs with you.
But you
ge...
Teacher: Where is the English Channel
?
Pupil: ...
Teacher: Why does the
statue of liberty
stand ...
Teacher: Give me three reasons
why the
world i...
Teacher:
Are you good at math ?
Pupil:
Yes an...
Teacher: What's 2 and 2
Pupil:
4
Teacher: That...
Teacher: How much is half of 8
Pupil: Up and
do...
The
teacher was reviewing counting with her
fi...
Teacher:
Can you count to 10?
Fred: Yes,
teac...
Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another
the...
TEACHER: Jackie, take 932 from 1,439. What is
...
Fred: I've
added these figures ten times.
Te...
Teacher: If I gave you three
rabbits today
and...
"Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days
sh...
How are you doing in arithmetic ?
I've
learned ...
Fred: I got 100 in school today.
Mother:
Wonder...
If you had one dollar and you
asked your
fathe...
Jackie stood quietly as her father
examined
he...
If I had
five coconuts and I gave you
three, h...
The
teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on
co...
Teacher : Tommy, put some more water in the
fi...
Teacher : Were you copying his sums ?
Pupil
: N...
Teacher : What are
you reading ?
Pupil :
I du...
Teacher : What's happens to gold
when it
is ex...
Teacher : Make up a sentence using the word
le...
Teacher : Billy, please don't whistle while
st...
Teacher : Give
me a sentence with the words
de...
Teacher : If you had five apples on your desk
an...
Teacher : What is a comet ?
Pupil : A star
with...
Teacher : The word politics - can you give me
an...
Teacher : What is the most common phrase used
...
Teacher : Why are you the only child in the
cl...
Father: Well Son, how are your exam results
?
S...
Teacher : In the exam you will be allowed 30
m...
Teacher : What are you doing,
crawling into
sc...
Where do children learn their ABC's ?
At
LMN-ta...
Teacher : Tommy you try my patience !
Tommy:
No...
Teacher: This note from your father looks like
y...
Teacher : Would you at the
back of the room
st...
Are you in
the top half of your class
?
No, I...
Art Teacher: The picture of the horse is good,
...
Teacher: Why are you picking your
nose in
clas...
Teacher : Why are you
reading the last
pages o...
Teacher: If you have five
haystacks in one
cor...
Teacher: What can we do to stop polluting
our ...
Teacher : Can't you retain anything in your
he...
What
do French pupils say after finishing
thei...
Mother: What was the first thing you learned in
...
How do bees get to
school ?
By school
buzz !...
Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in
ju...
Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning
...
Mother: How do you
like your new teacher
?
So...
Mother: Does your teacher like you ?
Son:
Like ...
Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds
the...
Teacher: This is the third
time I've had
to te...
Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my
q...
Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a
liquid...
Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28
day...
Teacher: What is can't short for ?
Pupil:
Canno...
Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in
...
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest
sen...
Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on
the...
Teacher: What's the longest word in the
English ...
Teacher: I wished you would pay a little
attenti...
Teacher: In what part of the
world are the
peo...
Teacher: You seem very well read, have you read
...
Teacher: In music, if "f" means
"forte",
what ...
Teacher: Can you tell me something important
tha...
Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your
ea...
Teacher: Name two pronouns ?
Pupil: Who ?,
me ?...
Teacher: Fred, I'm glad to see your writing
ha...
Pupil: The
art teacher doesn't like what
I'm m...
Mother: "Why are you home from school so
early?"...
Principal: Do you do
your homework?
Kid:
Now ...
Science teacher: What happened when
electricit...
Caspar: I was the teacher's pet last
year.
Jasp...
Teacher: What is the formula for
water ?
Geo...
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an
example of
COINC...
Q: What did one math book say to the
other?
A: ...
Q. Why did the jellybean go to
school?
A. B...
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